You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
