Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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