Your face is a jimmy john
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
