Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
