watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
