I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
