There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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