The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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