Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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