I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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