If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
