Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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