well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
