dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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