somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize