just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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