Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
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