woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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