I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
