He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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