Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
