I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
