remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
