i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
