my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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