first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
