I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
