Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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