Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
