Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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