im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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