My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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