The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
