yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
