i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize