We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
