I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
my poor anus
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
