I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
