I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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