ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
