I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
