I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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