Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
