He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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