i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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