I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
