I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize