I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize