you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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