my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
