Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
