We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
