i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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