He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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