thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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