blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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