I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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