paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
