I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
