The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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