I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
