I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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