yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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