My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This baby is an asshole
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
