What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
