he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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