I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
