next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
