the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
