Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
