I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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