Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
