I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
