just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
