You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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