Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I did not marry a roomba.
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