I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize