im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
