We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
