I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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