oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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