I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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