If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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