Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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