pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
