U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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