I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
