so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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