That's intense
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
