Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
