Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize