just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
